A Diva in Baltimore

I know you guys have been wondering where I’ve been. I’ve searched to find the love within. ROTFLMAO. OK, no more corny song lines. Actually, I have been in Baltimore all week. It was my first official duty for my new gig as a consultant. Because of that trip, I have lots and lots to rant on. I’ll try to keep it brief. If I can’t do that, then I’ll break this up into several posts.

First of all, let the record show that until April 20th, I had not flown since I accompanied my friend Cyd to the BEA in Chicago in June of 2004. Some thangs have changed since that time. LOL. And the older a sista gets, the more nervous a flyer she has become. You can officially call me the Armrest Gripper. I ain’t shamed! LOL. I’m sure this will get better as I fly more regularly. Flying is not for people with control issues (namely me), but what can you do?

Now, before I get to ranting about Baltimore, I have to say a few things.
I realize that I have become a Southern snob. I never thought I would be able to say that about myself. But alas, it is so true. First of all, let me acknowledge that the south has it’s myriad of issues. Racism, sexism, high mortality rate, poor public education, high HIV infection rates, low wages, the list goes on and on and on. So, I know from whence I come. Overall though, we are some cordial folks. You expect everyone to look you in the eye and say good morning when you walk into Starbucks or say hello when you make eye contact at all. Not so, when you get north of Richmond, VA.

I’m just saying, the folks in Baltimore are not the most pleasant people on the planet. The minute I got off the plane in BWI, I could feel the freeze, and it had nothing to do with the temperature outside or the air conditioning inside. Folks just looked mean and unhappy. And this included the white people. I chalked it up to arriving on a really bad weather day- they had horrible thunderstorms and lightening strikes prior to our arrival. Nope, as the week wore on, I realized that they are just that way.

A side note: I swear I saw the gender-bending little gangster girl/hit-person from The Wire that got capped by the high school kid before he headed out of town. Oh, by the way. She didn’t look happy either. She looked just like she did on tv. Maybe I should get out more.

Now, it is at this point that I need to complain about my hotel. Let me set the scene. The Marriott Renaissance Hotel on Platt St. (oh yes, I’m going to call them out). A lovely, lovely facility. I couldn’t have asked for a nicer place. But for the costs of 229.00 a night Sunday and Monday, and 339.00 a night Tuesday and Wednesday (I never got a good explanation for the rate increase, but since it was pre-paid by the folks who hired me, I couldn’t say much) why in the fuck would a sista have to pay 9.95 for Internet access? A DAY!!!!! You know that shit pissed me off. I can go to the DoubleTree,the Hilton,the Sheraton, any Comfort Inn, or Motel 6 and not pay for wi-fi services. And these gus charge WAY less a night, so why in the hell would I pay folks who are LITERALLY making bank 9.95 a day for Internet access? To make matters worse, no one was able to access free Wi-fi while IN the hotel. Can you say blocking signals!!? Ain’t that some shit? And they had a ton on conferences going on. You can’t tell me they are hurting that bad that they needed to milk us weary travelers out of ten bucks a day. It’s a fucking conspiracy, I tell ya! My protest for the week was no hotel Internet access. I used my Blackberry instead as an official protest. Until I had to pay them 3.00 to print out my return flight info due to changes. The fuckers got me. I was pissed.

I have so much more I want to write about, like how much I think I am going to love this self-employment thing. And how my invisible force field is no longer working because people keep talking to me when I am reading, or like right now, while I’m typing. That shit sucks. I’m in Newark and I’m just waiting for my connection to my beloved ChuckTown.

I’ve got to weigh in this weekend on the Pennsylvania primary and the theory that working class white males won’t vote for Barack. I’ve got to talk about the local news in Baltimore. Now I see why those folks are so pissed off- nothing but rape, murder, drug use, and car accidents. Damn, don’t folks do anything positive in B’More?

In other words, the Southern Diva is back with a vengeance, and after May 2nd, it’s really going to be on and popping. I’m going to wrap it up because we are about to start boarding. I’ve missed ya’ll mucho. Holla at a diva when you get a chance.