Fear

I was supposed to blogging today about how wonderful it is to be able to live out my dream. How on this third day of professional freedom, I have pounded out thousands of words, and my first work is moving along pretty well. I was going to announce that I have found my writing groove and all is well with the world.

Except, that ain't the truth. Or at least not all of it. All is well with my world. I could be in a much different place. Third floor office with a spectacular view of the parking garage while my co-workers torment me with their egoism and narcissistic behaviors to no end. I could still be there, but I'm not. And I am truly grateful.

Of course, I spent Monday and Tuesday on the road and in meetings for my consulting gig. I marveled at the warm welcome I got where ever I went. It was heady to say the least. I almost got caught up. Almost filled up my dance card for the rest of the month. And then I heard the voices of The Man and Cha reminding me that this opportunity is about me pursuing my dream. Not about me chasing the dollars. And thank goodness they did. I would have a fat bank account in a few months, but would still be wondering when I am going to find the time to do what my heart yearns to do- WRITE!

So today, after I got DIT off to school, and watched a couple of hours worth of recorded stuff on the dvr, and had lunch with the Divas I pulled out the laptop and got ready to write. I've had ideas bouncing around for weeks. But guess what. I froze. Couldn't get one word typed. I know where the story starts, I know what motivates the characters, I know the setting. I even, for once, know how it ends. But I froze.

I have to admit that I am afraid. I am afraid that it won't be good enough, that no one will like it, that it won't sell. I'm also afraid that it will be good enough, that everyone will like it, that it will sell. And folks will want me to do it again. So there you have it. That's my stuff for today. Blogging has been very cathartic for me. It's helped me get my ass in gear this year and focus on what I want out of life. God has given me an opportunity to pursue the dreams that I have talked and prayed about for years. The rest is on me.

Fear can be a good thing. If you use it the right way, you can examine your personal motivations in life. Do you want something bad enough to move through the fear? HELL YES!

Gotta go Divas. There is much writing to be done. I'll holla atcha tomorrow. I'll leave you with the sage words of Eminem:

Success is my only motherfuckin' option, failure's not.