How To Support Your Friends

I am a counselor by trade. I've got the sheepskin to prove it. But I swear ya'll, this support thing ain't no joke. I have a diva friend who is going through it right now. It's not life or death or anything like that, but her relationship is in an upheaval, and she is getting conflicting advice from all sides. This woman is like a sister to me and I hate seeing her upset. Really, I do. But, I have a problem. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER ask my opinion about something if you don't really want the answer. I know, I know, big surprise!

You ever have a strong-willed friend acting a little crazy (your words, not hers) and so you decide to drop a little knowledge and get her back on the straight and narrow? Yeah, I know. We all have. Question is, how did that work for ya? I can ask these questions, because I've had to answer them myself.

So, to help myself step away from Other People's Drama (OPD) I've come up with this list to help women who may be faced with a similar situation:

1. Do not under ANY circumstances tell them what you really think until after the storm has passed. Seriously. Break this rule only if you plan on ensuring that you spend three days arguing about how it's not about you.

2. Do not get on the horn and call the Diva Roundtable to order unless asked to do so by the Diva in Distress. Let the DID call everyone one by one and tell them what's going on. Ya'll can get together later and compare notes to make sure everyone got the same story.

3. There needs to be a time limit on the DID's wallowing. After a week of not leaving the house, or returning phone calls, use the lure of shoe shopping and lunch to get her out of the house and talking. This works every time.

4. Chocolate does have a medicinal purpose. Don't let some quack doctor tell you otherwise.

5. A month after the incident in question and the DID is returning to normal and asks what your really think- DO NOT TELL HER! She's in remission, but she's not fully cured yet.

6. Know that when you finally tell the DID how you really felt about the situation, she will get pissed and tell you that you should have told her during the drama, even though you knew should couldn't handle it then.

7. Know that when you are the DID, your friends will be using this list to support you.

I know this doesn't sound very therapeutic, but trust me. You will avoid long phone conversations, uber-long lunches because the DID won't talk about anything else, and emergency Diva Roundtables during the business day in the middle of budget season.